I'm SO not a blogger!!!!

Last week I had a few sweet messages from friends that they loved reading my "blog." As I began thinking about it I realized that I really don't have a "blog." I am feeling a little guilty that I even call it that:/ I know so many other people that make daily or weekly entries to their blogs and I write just whenever I feel there is something I need to say OR when I have the time to do it. I believe my "blog" is more of a journal or at least that is how I see it. A journal of my life and our families life, experiences that we have concerning Asperger's and thoughts that I may be experiencing at the moment. So goes today....many thoughts about our life journey right now and of course Summer break:)

Summer break is always an interesting time in our family. Mainly because my boys are ALL together at once under the SAME roof;) I love my boys but the fighting during the Summer is A LOT and after a while it does begin to get on my last nerve. I really do try to keep them busy but sometimes I'm tired from all of the going and just need a break! I know one day I will miss our Summers and the loud voices....or maybe not;) How many more days until school starts? Ha!

Here are a few things that have happened since school was let out: Lots of tears leaving Joshua's school...TIS...Saying goodbye is never easy for me especially when the people mean so much and have given far and beyond anything I could have ever imagined, Will turned 9, Cliff and I celebrated another year of marriage, VBS-- where I dressed up as a different Star Wars character each day, Zach received a buzz cut after playing "haircut store" with a neighbor, I had another birthday, my wonderful friends threw me a surprise party with my favorite Mexican cuisine,I survived a sleepover with 2 of Will's friends,I managed to have a "getaway night" with my hubby thanks to Mom, I've put myself in the battle zone many days with the boys, we've enjoyed swimming at the Y, I'm trying to come up with solutions for Josh's aggressive meltdowns, weekly trips to the LEGO store, countless minutes of cleaning up messes made by all...Whew! No wonder I am tired!!!

Of course Summer is not over and we have many more days ahead for more adventures! If I do not write a "journal entry" again until after Summer I hope you all have a great one!!! Lots of love to you:)

Thoughts read at my Grandmother's Funeral...

1 Corinthians 13:1-13
"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies,they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain:faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

I chose this beautiful scripture because it summed up Grandmother Polly's life to me. She was all about love and she was not shy about using the words "I love you." As I glanced through a scrapbook album, consisting of pictures of Grandmother and people she loved, there were many inscriptions like "We love you", "love always", "Yours only" and "Yours always".....you can almost sense the love just by looking at her handwriting. It oozes from the picture and makes you feel good. That's how our little Grandmother was...she was loving and good.

After Grandmother was diagnosed with cancer several months ago, floods of memories came to my mind. Many years worth of memories! I thought I would touch on a few that always make me smile:
1. Chef salads at Kings Inn Restaurant after church on Sundays.
2. Beef tips at the Sizzler with sauteed onions and peppers.
3. Beets and blue cheese dressing. Corn flakes with milk and banana.
4. Long walks through the woods on a Saturday night. For a long time I thought Grandmother was an Indian because she knew the name of EVERY tree,EVERY plant and EVERY flower.
5. Frozen coconut she always kept in her freezer, my first experience dipping bananas in chocolate and freezing them and homemade wine that burned your throat when it went down!
6. The story she always told of the gopher rat that was behind her door at home. She took a bat and hit it! Then she would make the noise "eee" "eee!" I still cant believe how brave she was and the thought of the whole thing makes me even chuckle now!
7. Our family trips to Gatlinberg where she always wanted hot caramel popcorn and a new bell.Trips to Panama City where we made her "cruise" with us down the strip. We didn't care....we still looked at boys even with her in the back seat and Dad driving!
8. The infamous trip to Six Flags where we all rode The Scream Machine roller coaster and her glasses came off and she slid all the way down in her seat! All while holding on to her purse of course! The conversation afterward when Joanna said, "Grandmother next time you can leave your purse with those people." And Grandmother responded "honey,there wont be a next time." So funny!
9. The beautiful parakeets she always had in our home...of course they were all named Pete. She would call whichever Pete it was at the time and I can still hear her say "Pete's a pretty bird." "Pete's a pretty bird."
10. Me, Joanna and Grandmother all three in her bed watching Love Boat and Fantasy Island on Saturday nights. Those shows were not allowed at our home but being the "fun Grandmother" that she was, it was allowed:)
11. Long visits and encouraging words. She always knew what to say and always had a listening ear for me.
12. Biscuits and homemade blackberry jelly. Of course, the little crispy hoecakes that she would make for both me and Joanna. Colorful plates, cups and saucers all used for our pretend restaurant. She didn't mind our mess...she encouraged it:)
13. Songs like Zacchaeus and I'm A Little Teapot
14. The hard worker that she was and the sweat that would drip from her brow.
15. Vanilla ice-cream and hot coffee....together!!!
16. Story telling while babysitting. She would lie at the bottom of Joanna's bed with her arm across her eyes. Every time she would try to sneak away we would say, "Grandmother, where are you going?" And of course she would resume her position and wait till we fell asleep.
17. Her laugh and how she would cry when Dad would get her tickled.
18. Her famous words..."I'm just fine!"
19. Her never ending love for her husband Vernon and the strength that she showed for 36 years as his widow.
20. Her constant use of three simple words..."I love you."

What wonderful memories....so many more that its hard to recall ....but they are there ...in my heart and mind forever.

Before I end I would like to talk a minute about the beautiful love story between my Granddaddy Vernon and Grandmother Polly. I was only around 4 years of their marriage before the Lord called him home. I do not remember a lot about that time but I do know how she lived her life after he was gone. Grandmother had such a true and real love for Granddaddy. She loved talking about him and recalling memories. I guess that's why it never really felt like he was gone. I'm sure Grandmother had her moments, and I'm sure there were many moments she cried out with hurt and pain, but in front of us she was strong, she was courageous, she handled whatever life on this earth dealt her. And she did it all with grace and an attitude that it was ok...."what will be will be."

I knew Grandmother's time was coming to a close and I am so thankful for the wonderful last visit Joanna and I had with her. She was very alert and we made her laugh...a lot! Of course it was not easy at that point and she would start choking. She never ceased to tell us how much she loved us and really seemed like that was all she wanted us to know...that and "she was fine." I loved watching her with Dad and seeing the amazing love in her eyes for him. I bet she told him and Rita those words 1,000 times before she passed away.

I do have tears for Grandmom...I will miss her but mainly my tears are joy. Joy that she is not hurting anymore, joy that her body is healed and renewed, joy that she has been reunited with countless family members and friends, joy that she was a believer in Jesus Christ and she is with him now and endless joy that she is with Granddaddy. The "romantic" part of me believes that he was standing by Jesus when she arrived in Heaven. He said something like..."Wow! What took you so long?" She said, "Look how handsome you are! You were always so handsome!" They then embraced and Granddad gave her a BIG ole kiss:) They are together now for eternity and I know she sees us today and wants to leave us with these words...."I love you and I'm just fine!"

Isaiah 40:31--"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary., they will walk and not be faint."

The Lord's Supper and Indiana Jones? Who Knew!

Our Church, Valleydale, had a really unique opportunity for the community this past Thursday and Friday. Easter is so often just celebrated on Sunday but thankfully we had many reminders throughout the week to prepare our hearts and minds for that special day. One of the opportunities was called "Passion Week Experience." It's hard to even describe how awesome this was...very moving and enlightening. There were different stations that focused on the last words of Christ...while he was on the cross. We were provided with a beautiful pamphlet that had meditations to read, a tv with selected scenes from The Passion movie and even interactive things to participate in. I really did not know if I would be able to go, much less the Sons of Thunder, but thankfully I did.

My Mom was in town to help out with Joshua's belated birthday. Perfect timing to leave Zachary with her and take the "big boys";) Well, Will was not in the best mind frame to go so Josh and I went together. I explained to him that some of the scenes we could see were graphic and we had to be VERY quiet...he could not talk to anyone about the 80's or LEGOS. We MUST focus on God and his son Jesus. Josh and I walked into the quiet and began our passion experience. It was amazing how Joshua was focused on Christ and listened to every word I said pertaining to the exhibit. We came to the part where we were to pick a stone and pray for someone who was hurting and in need of salvation. Josh picked up his stone and immediately began praying for the children of Iraq and Afghanistan that are living in the war torn environment. He began to pray so quickly I barely had time to close my eyes:) He prayed that God would protect them and keep them safe. He also prayed that someday he could go there and tell the children about God....it was precious. Another "heart smile" moment:)

We went through the entire exhibit with no mention of an 80's song or LEGOS. Very peaceful! At the very end we came to the Lord's Supper. We walked into the area and a table was set low to the ground with pillows to sit on. The table was set with large goblets and plates. We read where we were to imagine which apostle might have sat where we were sitting...where Jesus might have been sitting,etc. Joshua and I prayed together and took the Lord's Supper together. It was a great moment. As we got up to leave Joshua grabbed the goblet next to him and stood up. He began rocking back and forth when a funny look on his face like "whoa it's the big one!" "Did you feel that?" Josh asked. "No, what is it?" I said. "It's just like in Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom when the earthquake comes!" At that moment I knew it was time for us to leave. Especially since a man had just walked in to have his quiet time and saw Joshua rocking like a mad man:/ As we walked hand in hand I said, "I never thought Indiana Jones would have had anything to do with the Lord's Supper". Joshua just smiled his big grin.

I'm so thankful that Jesus came into the world to save us from our sins. I'm so thankful for opportunities like this one with my son. I'm so thankful for my Aspie child and how different he sees the world. I truly learn something new every day:)